The Wretched Human Sweat Ball
In the next day or so, a new weight gym will be arriving. It was on sale at Paul's Warehouse, and it is something my stepson Lachlan has been asking for for a while now. As I need to get into shape too (silly term, actually...I'm in a shape...I'm round), it seemed that buying it was the thing to do. The question now becomes, "where do I put it?"
Logically it should be in the house. Keeping it at Paul's Warehouse doesn't do me much good. Nor will keeping it in the garage we don't have. But recently my stepson Callum has moved out, and as his room is now vacant vacant, it has become a delightful place to build a small gym. Please note, vacant does not mean empty.
You know how on television, when some kid dissappears and the parents leave their bedrooom just the way it was until their kids come home? How come those rooms are always neat and tidy. Callum's room looks like photos I've seen of World War 2. Scary. But it had to be cleaned out.
Actually, dana did much of that already, getting some garbage out of there and bagging a bunch of clothes to give to charity. What was left, however, was NOT pretty. Of particular note was the vomit stain from where the dog threw up, that managed to set. Okay, it's an old, worn carpet, so out it goes. Which means removing everything from the room so the carpet can be ripped up.
There we are, me and my stepson, dissassembling the bed, moving dressers and various odds and ends of furniture, trying to figure out what some things are, and then, it comes time to rip up the carpet. We have a pry bar...somewhere. While my stepson went to look for it, I picked up the hammer and went to work with the back end. He found it the moment I finished ripping up the carpet. It's a good thing he's here to help.
So now it's rolling up the carpet, carrying it outside. Mind you it's dark in Tasmania, a symptom we suffer every night. The light sensor outside the front decides it's time to go off, while' we're carry the carpet. Lachlan says, move around a little. So I wave. I wave again. I let go of my end of the carpet and jump up and down. I do a jig. I play football. Nice to have a light sensor. Finally it goes on, I heave up my end of the carpet again, and carry it down the narrow alleyway to the back.
By now, I'm just this side of dead. I'm sweating profusely, covered in grime (mostly dust) and barely able to move. Why am I doing this? So I can get a workout machine. Unfortunately, I just remembered how much I hate working out. I feel like I've worked out already. Then it occurs to me. I don't need an exercise machine. I just need to THINK I'm getting one, and I can get into shape. Maybe tomorrow, I can think I'm getting something else. Steve, we're moving, pack up these boxes. And I will. I'll be exhausted. Then I can learn we've changed our mind and I have to unpack them. Why the heck am I spending $400 on weights? Everything has weight. I can buy the book how to pick up girls and when I pick them up, that's weight. I can carry the car into town instead of driving. Why buy weights?
Is lifting weights in a machine intrinsically better than lifting other stuff? Lachlan assures me it is. For me, I'm going to wait on lifting weights, until I've healed from getting ready for them.
Logically it should be in the house. Keeping it at Paul's Warehouse doesn't do me much good. Nor will keeping it in the garage we don't have. But recently my stepson Callum has moved out, and as his room is now vacant vacant, it has become a delightful place to build a small gym. Please note, vacant does not mean empty.
You know how on television, when some kid dissappears and the parents leave their bedrooom just the way it was until their kids come home? How come those rooms are always neat and tidy. Callum's room looks like photos I've seen of World War 2. Scary. But it had to be cleaned out.
Actually, dana did much of that already, getting some garbage out of there and bagging a bunch of clothes to give to charity. What was left, however, was NOT pretty. Of particular note was the vomit stain from where the dog threw up, that managed to set. Okay, it's an old, worn carpet, so out it goes. Which means removing everything from the room so the carpet can be ripped up.
There we are, me and my stepson, dissassembling the bed, moving dressers and various odds and ends of furniture, trying to figure out what some things are, and then, it comes time to rip up the carpet. We have a pry bar...somewhere. While my stepson went to look for it, I picked up the hammer and went to work with the back end. He found it the moment I finished ripping up the carpet. It's a good thing he's here to help.
So now it's rolling up the carpet, carrying it outside. Mind you it's dark in Tasmania, a symptom we suffer every night. The light sensor outside the front decides it's time to go off, while' we're carry the carpet. Lachlan says, move around a little. So I wave. I wave again. I let go of my end of the carpet and jump up and down. I do a jig. I play football. Nice to have a light sensor. Finally it goes on, I heave up my end of the carpet again, and carry it down the narrow alleyway to the back.
By now, I'm just this side of dead. I'm sweating profusely, covered in grime (mostly dust) and barely able to move. Why am I doing this? So I can get a workout machine. Unfortunately, I just remembered how much I hate working out. I feel like I've worked out already. Then it occurs to me. I don't need an exercise machine. I just need to THINK I'm getting one, and I can get into shape. Maybe tomorrow, I can think I'm getting something else. Steve, we're moving, pack up these boxes. And I will. I'll be exhausted. Then I can learn we've changed our mind and I have to unpack them. Why the heck am I spending $400 on weights? Everything has weight. I can buy the book how to pick up girls and when I pick them up, that's weight. I can carry the car into town instead of driving. Why buy weights?
Is lifting weights in a machine intrinsically better than lifting other stuff? Lachlan assures me it is. For me, I'm going to wait on lifting weights, until I've healed from getting ready for them.
posted by Steve_Lazarowitz at 4:24 AM
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