On My Last Leg

I have a friend who's been walking since he's been six months old...he's exhausted! Okay it wasn't funny, but at the moment, I feel as if I've been walking that long. Now I'm not in the best shape of my life, but it's not completely my fault.

A couple of years ago I hurt my back, after which I waited two and a half years to have surgery. During that time, I couldn't walk far at all, and when I did, I spent two days recovering. As a result, I got out of shape. Today I walked at least a couple of miles, and I feel like I've crossed the Sahara barefoot. My feet are swollen, my thighs ache, and my calves are so cramped they're mooing.

There was a time when I could walk great distances without batting a toe. These days, I walk like an extra from Night of the Living Dead. It's not a pretty picture, even if it's pretty accurate.

I'm driving a lot too. Driving isn't really hard, unless you've moved from America to Australia and suddenly you're not only upside down, you're on both the wrong side of the car and the street. You have to keep telling yourself, "keep left!" If you don't, you'll end up turning into the wrong lane.

So I can't drive and I can't walk. Last time I went to the doctor, he asked me if I exercise. I said, sure. I spend all day walking from the computer to the refrigerator. I wish I was like those old yellow pages ads...let your fingers do the walking. With as much typing as I do, I'd be in shape in no time.